Baseball Predictions

So I ran out of time with my analysis of each team. And for that, I apologize.

If you're here I don't really need to insult your intelligence by telling you who the ballclubs' best hitters, pitchers, etc. are. You already know. Instead, you'll find a pithy word or phrase describing the hitting, pitching, defense and intangibles of the thirty contenders for October glory.

I'm also not going to "predict" award winners. How hard would it be for me to sit here clacking away on a keyboard and be master-of-the-obvious by telling you that Albert Pujols is the best player in the NL and that Johan Santana is the best pitcher in the AL? And besides, awards often come out of nowhere. A year ago, who'd have thought Freddy Sanchez would win the NL batting title in 2006? Or that Ryan Howard would hit 58 home runs? Nobody, that's who.

And in any case, anyone using the search function here can come back here in October and tell me how wrong I was.

With that, here goes:
NL EAST
1. Philadelphia Phillies
Hitting: Tons (Jimmy Rollins, anyone?)
Pitching: Injured
Defense: Good
Intangibles: Winners almost by default

2. New York Mets
Hitting: Lots and lots and lots of power
Pitching: More injured than the Phillies
Defense: Very good
Intangibles: Will find it difficult to win without Pedro (won't be back until the second half of the season)

3. Atlanta Braves
Hitting: Getting there
Pitching: Patchwork
Defense: Decent
Intangibles: Fan base will become pissed if they don't win this season

4.Florida Marlins
Hitting: Young
Pitching: Younger
Defense: Youngest
Intangibles: Last year was a fluke.

5. Washington Nationals
Hitting: Not there
Pitching: Will be better next year.
Defense: Decent
Intangibles: Hey, at least they'll have a new stadium next season.

NL CENTRAL
1. Chicago Cubs
Hitting: Very improved (D-Lee, A-Ram, and Soriano should all hit 40 hrs.)
Pitching: I hope it's improved
Defense: It should be interesting....
Intangibles: Lou Piniella. Nuff said.

2. Milwaukee Brewers
Hitting: Mediocre
Pitching: Pray for Sheets' health. Otherwise...
Defense: Excellent
Intangibles: Could be the Detroit Tigers of 2007.

3. St. Louis Cardinals
Hitting: Injured (A opening day outfield of So Taguchi, Chris Duncan and Scott Spiezio? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. Ok. I'm done.)
Pitching: Hope and pray
Defense: Good
Intangibles: Spiffy stadium?

4. Houston Astros
Hitting: Positive
Pitching: Not so positive
Defense: Creaky
Intangibles: Could be a big surprise.

5. Cincinnati Reds
Hitting: Adam Dunn
Pitching: Good last year....
Defense: Injured
Intangibles: Spiffy retro uniforms

6. Pittsburgh Pirates
Hitting: Good
Pitching: Not so good
Defense: Average
Intangibles: Kickass stadium.

NL WEST
1. Arizona Diamondbacks
Hitting: Young!
Pitching: A bit injured
Defense: Young and exciting!
Intangibles: Spiffy new uniforms

2. San Diego Padres (Wild Card)
Hitting: Good
Pitching: A combination of old and young
Defense: Below average
Intangibles: Greg Maddux.

3. Los Angeles Dodgers
Hitting: Inconsistent
Pitching: Even more inconsistent.
Defense: Brittle
Intangibles: Great broadcaster named Vin Scully.

4. Colorado Rockies
Hitting: Lots of power
Pitching: In that park? Ha.
Defense: In that park? Does it really matter?
Intangibles: Neat view of the Rocky Mountains past left field.

5. San Francisco Giants
Hitting: Old
Pitching: Older
Defense: Oldest
Intangibles: Steroids

AL EAST
1. Boston Red Sox
Hitting: Lots of home runs!! Yay!!
Pitching: Lots of homeruns!! Not so good.
Defense: Who needs defense?
Intangibles: The Fenway Faithful

2. Toronto Blue Jays
Hitting: Decent
Pitching: Good bullpen that they'll need a lot.
Defense: Bouncy
Intangibles: They'll be good someday.

3. New York Yankees
Hitting: Not good
Pitching: A mess
Defense: Spotty
Intangibles: Joe Torre wishes he retired last year.

4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Hitting: Young
Pitching: Younger
Defense: Good
Intangibles: Out of last place?!?!?!?!

5. Baltimore Orioles
Hitting: What??????
Pitching: Que?????
Defense: Does it matter?
Intangibles: 6 Cubs on the 25 man roster. Nuff said.

AL CENTRAL

1. Cleveland Indians
Hitting: Outstanding
Pitching: Pray.
Defense: Good
Intangibles: Something to prove.

2. Minnesota Twins (Wild Card)
Hitting: Always finds a way
Pitching: Two words: Johan Santana
Defense: Adequate
Intangibles: Ron Gardenhire knows how to win.

3. Detroit Tigers
Hitting: Power-laden
Pitching: Injured
Defense: Work in progress
Intangibles: Playoff experience. Sort of.

4. Chicago White Sox
Hitting: Growing old
Pitching: Unpredictable
Defense: Experienced
Intangibles: Watch Ozzie's head explode!!

5. Kansas City Royals
Hitting: Inexperienced
Pitching: Who are they?
Defense: Work in progress
Intangibles: Really nice people.

AL WEST
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Hitting: Outstanding
Pitching: Excellent
Defense: Outstanding
Intangibles: Best team in the AL.

2. Oakland Athletics
Hitting: Always good
Pitching: Better than you think.
Defense: Uhhhhhh....
Intangibles: Todd Walker?!?!?!

3. Texas Rangers
Hitting: Declining
Pitching: Pitchers?
Defense: Acceptable
Intangibles: Sammy Sosa?!?!?!?!

4. Seattle Mariners
Hitting: Inconsistent
Pitching: Young
Defense: Ichiro!!
Intangibles: Can't finish lower than fourth.

NL: Cubs over Padres, Diamondbacks over Phillies; Cubs over Diamondbacks in NLCS

AL: Angels over Indians, Twins over Red Sox; Angels over Twins in ALCS

World Series: Cubs over Angels in 6. No. Really. I did just say that.